Always There

As I prepare the hummingbird feeders
To place in the yard,
My mind gathers the threads of my what-ifs,
Thinking to knit
Some alternate reel
Of these last few years.
But my what-ifs unravel
As my hands no longer possess
The dexterity to knot 
The ends and edges
Of time I never found
To circle the earth,
Looking for you
As I took wide gaited steps,
Covering as much ground 
As possible.

Yet still, knowing
Had I found you,
My words would 
Have stumbled
Over each other,
Clumsy from lacking sense
Of time lost, wasted—
	And yet, I think of you every day, after all these years.

The you before the world shrank with color draining away,
The you before the new penny color of your hair faded to white,
The you with warm blue topaz eyes reflecting sunshine prisms,
	Not the ice glinting gemstones they became.
And I—
	I had fresh, pure words,
	Weaving us a blanket of innocence and love
	As we curved toward each other in youth.

But I cannot stride the world anymore
In search of you.
Thus, I let you go,
Hoping you find softness
Like the hummingbird
Who brushes her cheek against 
The petals of a dinner plate hibiscus
In search of nectar.