Morning drifts
away with chores
I assign myself:
The must do, the needs to be done—
An endless list to fill a notepad
next to the calendar:
Feed the dogs,
Clean and fill the hummingbird feeders,
Change the sheets,
Do the ironing,
Neatly fold the sheets from the dryer
so they align perfectly on the shelf in the closet--
Leave no time to think.
Even less time to feel.
Keep all thoughts,
All feelings at bay.
Use the list like a whip and a chair.
Let no old cliché hold any sway.
Whip the old “nothing ventured, nothing gained”
into a new pose of Nothing ventured, nothing lost
upon the circus stand,
a much easier creature
to manage this way.
Winter exists in this quiet realm:
The place of spring dreams
where from rich loam
colors emerge vibrant,
as if hope, become a virgin,
offered her hand
to lessen Winter’s ache
enough the wounded reach
to touch without wounding
in the trying.
still
quiet,
breath stops
a moment--
striations apparent
upon the red rock
in the distance--
sound
unheard
speaks a language
our ancestors once knew--
perhaps our souls once spoke
words lost to us now
yet here where
clouds paint shadows
upon the land
our souls feel
the rhythm
of a language
we once knew
An odd creature,
powers through a day,
decades, a life.
A four chambered
survivalist beast,
outlasting all fracturing
cracks of grief
when the spirit, will, mind
drift away.
In imitation,
a four chambered thing
beats on and on.
A few minutes every day,
at times, stretching into hours,
I write to you
in this book,
writing words
whispering mysteries
of the winds in the mountains.
At times, my words still,
shifting, settling then sighing
as moonstone white clouds rest,
caressing the tops of mountains.
I have burned hundreds
of ink filled books
over these many years
when disgusted with
the imperfection
of my scribbled pages.
The heat of their fires
never offered much warmth.
Now, I save my scribble filled books
though you may never see them.
Forty-five years,
I have written words to you,
yet you never knew,
and neither did I
until this moment.
I decided to repost this piece since in the process of doing a little clean-up work on the blog I discovered the link to this piece was no longer available.
I hold your reflection close,
But it slides, evaporating from my grasp,
While dripping condensation.
My heart stutters with if only’s.
My soul begs, pleads, bargains
With you to stay.
My mind whispers your name,
Calling after you,
Asking why you are leaving.
Are you angry that I told no one
Of your blessed presence here?
Can you understand I was afraid I’d jinx it?
Somehow, I knew—
Knew you wouldn’t stay—
I felt it from the start.
A few weeks only—
And you’d go away.
My lips whisper.
My soul begs.
My heart stutters.
My body cramps,
Clamping down once again.
My brain knows it is time.
Time to wash the blood and gore away—
Time to let your reflection fade.
Dreams
fulfilled and abandoned,
the wistful whimsical ones of fantasy--
Tears
fallen,
dried long ago, leaving salt crusts behind,
and those never allowed to fall--
The skins of selves I used to be
the wounded and scarred
the shrunken down inside her skin
the sacrificial to survival--
Take these things
I freely give,
adding all
my wishes
my dreams
my hopes
for you.
Next,
Add all you want,
all you dream,
all you desire,
wish for and hope for
in your life
Then weave of them a chrysalis
bout yourself to cushion and protect
as you grow into your own skin.
Leave your chains of fear,
your yoke of worries
with me.
I will bury them
deep inside my chest.
When you emerge,
your wings wet and beautiful,
you may perch upon
the branch of pride
growing from my soul
to flex and flutter your wings
until dry enough to fly,
beautiful as you have always been,
never to shrink
or curl away
your wings again.
video is my own (this little one ventures closer every morning)
the coolness of morning enters
it drifts into the veins
chills feeling for a time—
when the hummingbird perches
to drink the fresh sugar water
I made for her that morning,
I smile.
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